Even with this awareness, the presence of ADHD in a marriage can lead to unhealthy responses along with feelings of being overwhelmed and resentful. If the spouse with ADHD is in denial or uses the diagnosis as an excuse for continuing harmful behaviors, it can drive their spouse to their wits’ end.

Impact of ADD/ADHD Behaviors

Some typical ADD/ADHD behaviors can have a detrimental impact on a marriage, including the following.

Inattention and Lack of Follow-Through

When it comes to household chores, your spouse may seem disorganized and inattentive to household maintenance. However, failing to follow through on chores is often secondary to inattentiveness, not due to ill will or a conscious attempt to avoid sharing in household labor.

Interruptions

Your spouse interrupts you and others a great deal to the point where you think what’s the point in trying to have a conversation and you are embarrassed by the apparent rudeness towards your friends and family members.

Distractedness

When your spouse is inattentive, easily distracted, or impulsive, you feel like climbing a wall and disappearing.

Nagging

You dislike yourself for nagging, but you don’t know what else to do to get your disorganized spouse to finish anything, or put anything away, or keep promises, etc.

Financial Problems

Your financial situation is precarious because your spouse is not good at handling money, overspends, forgets to pay bills, can’t keep a job, and/or won’t talk about money problems with you.

Taking a Parental Role

You often feel more like a parent than an equal partner to your spouse. You find yourself reminding your forgetful spouse about taking medications, meeting appointments, remembering birthdays, completing projects, etc.

Low-Sex Marriage

Your sexual relationship is less than either of you would like it to be.

Difficulty Making Decisions

Making decisions or talking about difficult issues with your spouse is nearly impossible.

Being Ignored

As your spouse retreats into a computer game or other project, you may feel ignored or think that your marriage is in a rut, but your spouse doesn’t see your marriage in the same way.

Uneasiness

Walking on eggshells around your spouse is the only way you find you can keep the peace in your marriage.

Book Recommendations

If the above description sounds like your relationship, you may benefit from reading up on the topic. Here are some book recommendations:

Married to Distraction (2010) by Edward M. Hallowell, MD, Sue George Hallowell, LICSW, and Melisa Orlov The ADHD Effect on Marriage (2010) by Melissa Orlov Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder (2008) by Gina Pera