Friday Fix: Episode 187
A lot of people enter my therapy office not because they’re looking to change themselves but because they want to change someone else. I commonly get questions like, “Can you talk to my partner about their drinking for me?” or “Can you meet with my daughter to tell her that she needs to stop dating men with so many problems? It’s not good for her kids to see that.” I don’t blame any of these people for feeling desperate to change someone else’s behavior. When we see our loved ones do things that we perceive to be unhealthy or self-destructive, we want to spring into action and help them do things differently—even though they may not see the harm we see. Lecturing someone, educating them about why their habits are unhealthy, or pleading with them to change doesn’t work. In fact, those strategies might accidentally reinforce those behaviors. A lecture from a therapist doesn’t work either. So the people who want me to talk to their family members are often disappointed to learn that one appointment with me (or any other therapist) isn’t likely to get them the results they’re looking for. In this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, I explain how you can influence your loved one and perhaps, even help them create positive change.
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