This article discusses why you might be missing someone and how to deal with all of the emotions that accompany the feeling of missing another person (and what to do if they don’t miss you back!)
Why Do We Miss People?
As humans, we naturally connect to people and build bonds and relationships over time. The act of actually missing someone is defined as failing to encounter, meet, or catch up with them, etc. “When you miss someone it means you really care about the person and you value them. You need this person in your life because it makes you feel better and you are happier. That’s why you miss somebody.” says Katie Lasson, Clinical Sexologist & Relationship Advisor.
Things That Make You Miss Someone
When there are fresh wounds of hurt, anything can trigger you. Emotions run wild when you miss someone and anything can spark up old memories. The mind is powerful with the amount of information, memories, and emotions it can hold. As April Maccario, Relationship Expert & Founder of Ask April stated, places, food, songs, scents, and even random things can make us remember someone. Inevitably it leads us to reminisce. However, Maccario believes it is crucial to learn what you can do when you feel those emotions.
When You Realize You Miss Someone
Really owning how you feel is key. When you miss someone, don’t run from that feeling. You may miss someone that has passed away, someone that is incarcerated, someone that was once a close friend, or simply someone that has moved away. But, whatever the case may have been or currently is, something changed. Lasson believes it’s also OK when you’re thinking of a person you miss—the nice times, some funny moments, about everything. But the most important thing is that you don’t overthink because the goal is to feel better and not hurt or sad.
When They Don’t Miss You Back
Knowing that someone doesn’t miss you as much as you miss them is not a great feeling, but what can you do? Cry? Get depressed? Lose sleep? It’s possible that all of those will occur and it’s perfectly OK to feel what you feel. Once you allow yourself to feel a range of emotions, you can then begin to move forward. “Obviously, it [not being missed in return] is a sad feeling, but life must carry on. We can’t make things happen on our own. Simply put, trust the process.” says Sonya Schwartz, a relationship expert and founder of Her Norm.
How to Cope With Missing Someone
Coping with missing someone can be brutal to the heart, especially if you really loved (or still love) that person. But just like heartache, the feeling of missing someone won’t last forever. Moving forward is always the best policy when you aren’t able to rekindle relationships or get rid of the feeling of missing someone.
Accept and understand what you are feeling and try to express yourselfEngage in activities that can help you divert your attention and moodInteract with other people and make new connections
Doing things out of your comfort zone will also be beneficial as you are opening yourself up to new possibilities, new experiences, and the chance to meet new people.
Turn Inward
Facing yourself in the rawest form can be scary but life-changing. There is healing in dealing with hard issues, and missing someone can be quite painful. When you miss someone it can affect your day, your mood, and your overall outlook on life. So, ask yourself, why you miss that person. Ask yourself how missing them affects you. Be honest in your thoughts and decide if you’re ready to begin moving on.
Write a Letter
Letters always bring clarity to cloudy situations and are great outlets to express yourself freely. Writing a letter (which you don’t have to send) can allow you to say everything you would want to say if you had the opportunity to speak in person. A major benefit of writing a letter is that you don’t have to hold back anything, and you’ll feel relieved afterward.
Meditate
There’s no greater noise than when your mind is cluttered with endless thoughts of someone you miss. You find it hard to get anything done because you’re consumed with endless thoughts of that person and the memories and experiences you’ve shared.
Tell the Person That You Miss Them
Sometimes you just have to talk to the person you’ve been missing. If you’re feeling brave and are capable, talking to the person that’s causing such drastic emotions might be the route for you. Go to the person, respectfully, and have an honest and heartfelt conversation. You can be direct about the fact that you miss them. Who knows? It’s possible that they’ve been missing you too and just didn’t know how to communicate that with you or were too fearful to do so. This might unlock an opportunity to make amends and revitalize your relationship.
Redirect Your Energy
You may not see it in the beginning, but some relationships have to end because they’ve run their course. You could miss them terribly but it’s possible that the relationship was toxic. Or, maybe one of you had to move and now you can no longer meet up as frequently as you once did or at all.
A Word From Verywell
Grief is a part of life. Don’t allow people to control your life and affect it in such a huge capacity that it consumes you. You may feel at your lowest, but you are stronger than you think. Allow yourself time to feel down and out, that’s expected and normal, but don’t get stuck there. If you’re finding it difficult to cope with missing someone, reach out to a mental health professional.
