The Law and Sexual Harassment
One of the first steps in overcoming sexual harassment is to acknowledge what happened to you and recognize that it was wrong. In fact, sexual harassment is such a serious issue that it is regulated by the law. For instance, the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) says that it is against the law to harass a person because of that person’s sex. What’s more, sexual harassment is not limited to male-to-female abuse even though it is by far the most common form of harassment. Female-to-female sexual harassment, male-to-male sexual harassment, and female-to-male sexual harassment also take place and are against the law. While the law does not usually apply to isolated incidents of teasing or offhand remarks, it becomes harassment when it creates a toxic work environment or when it results in adverse employment conditions such as being fired or reprimanded due to sexual harassment.
Impact on Victims
While every person deals with the trauma of sexual harassment differently, if you have been victimized by sexual harassment, you may start off feeling shocked and then move to denial. These responses are normal and are usually followed by feelings of victimization, which can lead to low self-esteem. Additionally, your response can be so significant that you may even have trouble functioning from day to day. The key is to address the issue or leave the work environment. It also is not uncommon for victims of sexual harassment to have difficulty sleeping, getting up in the morning, eating, exercising, or doing anything that they used to consider fun. Other symptoms that sexual harassment can lead to might include headaches, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, stomach issues, and elevated blood pressure. You might also feel betrayed, angry, powerless, hopeless, and out of control. And in extreme cases, victims may experience depression, anxiety, and thoughts of suicide.
Tips on Healing From Sexual Harassment
Moving on after being sexually harassed at work can seem like a daunting task. You may feel stuck or hopeless about your situation. But with a little work and some outside counseling, you should be able to make sense of your experience, heal from it, and move on. Here are some steps every victim must take in order to heal from sexual harassment. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.
Accept what happened. What this means is to validate your experience. Do not minimize what happened or make excuses for the perpetrator. It is also important to allow yourself to experience your emotions. Do not bottle up the hurt and anger you are feeling. Find healthy ways to express these feelings. Some options include prayer, meditation, yoga, and other stress-reducing activities. Talk to someone about the harassment. It always helps to talk with a safe person. Try to find someone who will respect your feelings and your perspective. Don’t share your thoughts and feelings with someone who is going to tell you that you are overreacting or being emotional. If you do not have anyone to talk with about your experience, consider joining a support group or starting one of your own. Journal about your experience. Describe how sexual harassment affected you. Explore the different emotions you are feeling. Sometimes it is helpful to include in your journal a letter to the person who harassed you. Say all the things you wish you would have said, but didn’t. It can be very healing to get all of that out of your system. Journaling also may help you make sense of what happened to you. And it is a safe place to say whatever is on your mind without trying to filter anything out. Stop blaming yourself. What happened to you was not your fault. You did not cause it and you could not control the other person. Remind yourself too that you have nothing to be ashamed of and you should not feel guilty. Blaming yourself will slow your healing. The only guilty person is the perpetrator. They made a choice to sexually harass you. The only choice you have in the matter is how you are going to deal with what happened to you. Remember, you have complete control over your response and where you go from here. Focus on that fact and let it empower you. Bring closure to your experience. An important part of the healing process is putting the past behind you and detaching from the trauma you experienced. Sometimes this means changing jobs or careers. It also could mean discovering who you really are. Too many times, a person’s identity is tied to their work. Instead, rediscover what makes you you. Start a new hobby and develop new interests. And most importantly, do not dwell on what happened to you. Find a healthy way to put the past behind you and try to remain positive about things in your life. Use the experience to help others. Sometimes, you can bring meaning to what happened to you by integrating your experience into your life in some way. For instance, you could write a blog about what you have experienced and offer suggestions to readers. Or, you could lead a support group, build a website for harassment victims, or speak to others. Another option is to volunteer with non-profit groups that address sexual harassment. The key is taking a negative experience and turning it into something positive. Doing so helps build your resiliency. Find a counselor. If you find it difficult to move on after your experience, you may benefit from seeing a counselor who specializes in dealing with workplace sexual harassment. Counselors that specialize in sexual assault or abuse may also be helpful. Additionally, if you have been harassed at work or school, advocates advise not using your school or employer’s mental health staff. Sometimes the lines of confidentiality get blurred and the counselor will share your information about you to others in the organization. In extreme cases, they may even try to protect the organization from liability. It is always best to find a counselor outside of where the sexual harassment occurred. Not only is it an added protection for your privacy, but you may find it easier to open up to someone that is not associated with the organization where the harassment occurred.
Tips for Friends of Sexual Harassment Victims
If you have a friend or family member who is dealing with the aftermath of sexual harassment, you may want to help, but just don’t know where to start. Simply being there to listen and be supportive is often all that is required. You do not need to fix things for your friend, nor do you need to offer sage advice. Your most important role is to be patient with what they are going through and support them where you can. They need to know that they are safe with you and that you believe them. You also could remind them that the harassment was not their fault. Here is a list of additional tips for when you are interacting with your friend: Remember not to judge them. Try to understand their feelings and offer support. Be there for them when you can and encourage them to talk to others as well. Encourage them to stay connected. The worst thing your friend can do is become isolated or spend a lot of time alone. While it is common for any victim of harassment to withdraw from others, this is not helpful to their healing. Nudge them to stay connected to you and other people. Respect their boundaries, and give them space if they need it. Remember, their boundaries were violated when they were sexually harassed so they will likely fight pretty hard to develop new ones. Allow them the freedom to do that. Do not smother them with attention or help. Allow them to heal at their own pace. Do not rush them or try to fix things. Everyone heals at different rates. Try to be patient if they are taking longer to get over their experience than you think they should. Support their decisions even if you do not agree with them. It is very important that your friend makes their own decisions. They need the space and the control takes back their life on their terms. While it is fine to make suggestions, do not try to control them or tell them what to do.
A Word From Verywell
Dealing with the trauma of sexual harassment is something that should not be put off or ignored. It is important that you explore your underlying feelings and find healthy ways of dealing with these emotions. Too many times people try to numb their feelings with other things like busy work or food. Some will even resort to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain and forget for a period of time. But these are not healthy ways of coping. If you find that you cannot develop good coping skills on your own, be sure to ask your doctor for recommendations for a reputable counselor. Remember, it is not a sign of weakness to get counseling. In fact, it is a sign of wisdom and courage.
