How to Join a Conversation
1. Prepare Topics for Conversation
Before ever trying to join a group in conversation, do some reading on topics so that you will be up to date and be able to share your opinions. Read the news every day. Follow popular topics like sports and entertainment. At the very least, be aware of any current events that are likely to come up in conversation. All of these strategies will help you when you join a conversation. Not only will you have a point of reference for what is being discussed, but you might also find that you can add a new perspective or share something unique with the group, such as by talking about your travel experiences or favorite musicians.
2. Choose a Group to Join
Choose a group of people who are in a conversation that you would like to join. Look for a group that includes someone you already know or that is talking about a topic that you have interest in or know something about. However, don’t hesitate too long trying to find the perfect group! Your goal is not to have the world’s best conversation, but rather to gain experience entering into a conversation that is already ongoing.
3. Listen and Make Eye Contact
Hover on the edges of the group and listen until you know what they are talking about. Make eye contact with one or two people to show your interest in what is being said. Individuals with social anxiety are less likely to make eye contact, which can make you seem aloof or standoffish. Try extra hard to look people in the eye as you talk to put others at ease.
4. Be Polite When Entering the Conversation
Wait for a natural break in the conversation before you speak. Instead of jumping into the conversation stream, politely acknowledge that you are just joining the group by saying something like “Are you talking about last night’s game?” or “Can I ask a question?”
5. Show Interest in the Group
Be interested in what others have to say. Listen carefully and reflect back what you have heard. Ask open-ended questions that encourage others to speak and share opinions and stories about yourself to help others get to know you. People with social anxiety disorder are less likely to hold up their end of a conversation, so it is critical that you try especially hard to show you are engaged with what others have to say, especially when joining a new group. Think about it this way—would you be more likely to want to talk to someone who appears warm and friendly or fearful and closed off? Be the person whom you would want to talk to, and you will find that others will warm up to you more quickly.
Practice Joining Conversations
Now its time to put all of these tips into practice. As you go about your daily life, look for opportunities to join conversations. While in the past you might have shied away from a group conversation, make a point of joining groups solely for the practice! An easy way to remember how to join a group in conversation is through the acronym “CLASS”: Choose a group Listen Ask a question Show interest Share about yourself The next time you see a group you’d like to join, remind yourself of the steps involved using the CLASS acronym.
Getting Outside Your Comfort Zone
What if you continually find yourself in groups of people, but just can’t force yourself to go outside your comfort zone and talk? One way to overcome this type of avoidance is to purposefully place yourself in a role that requires you to speak to other people. For example, you might offer to take on a leadership role in a group. This new role will force you out of your comfort zone and get you talking—especially if you are the type of person who always wants to do a good job. Just be sure to take breaks from socializing if it tends to wear you down. Over time, you should find it easier to engage in ongoing conversation.
A Word From Verywell
Joining a conversation can seem frightening if you live with social anxiety. By following the steps involved in joining a group in conversation, you will gradually find it easier. However, if your social anxiety is severe, it may be helpful to seek out a mental health professional who can work with you to overcome your fears.
