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Brief History
During the 1960s, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind described three different types of parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive. These types were based on her research with preschool-age children. Traditionally, the authoritative parenting style has been identified as the most effective and helpful to a child; research suggests that parents should flexibly deploy parenting techniques based on their personal goals and the unique behaviors of each child.
Characteristics of Authoritative Parenting
According to Baumrind, authoritative parents share some common characteristics. Traits they exhibit include:
Administering fair and consistent discipline when rules are brokenAllowing their children to express opinionsEncouraging their children to discuss optionsExpressing warmth and nurturingFostering independence and reasoningListening to their childrenPlacing limits, consequences, and expectations on their children’s behavior
While the expectations of authoritative parents are high, these kinds of parents also tend to be flexible. If there are extenuating circumstances, authoritative parents will adjust their response accordingly. Parents with this style are able to adjust and adapt their approach depending on the situation, their child’s needs, and other factors that may be present. Discipline, then, takes into account all variables, including the child’s behavior, the situation, and so on.
Authoritative vs. Authoritarian Styles
These characteristics can be contrasted with the authoritarian parenting style, which is characterized by exceedingly high expectations with little warmth and guidance. For example, imagine a situation where two young boys steal candy from the grocery store. How each boy’s parents deal with the situation characterizes the differences between these parenting styles.
Authoritative Parents
When the boy with authoritative parents finally arrives home, he receives a fair punishment that fits the nature of the transgression. An example of how authoritative parenting might look in this situation:
He is grounded for two weeks and must return the candy and apologize to the store owner.His parents talk to him about why stealing is wrong.His parents are supportive and encourage him not to engage in such behavior again.
Authoritarian Parents
The other boy has authoritarian parents, so his consequences look quite different. An example of how authoritarian parenting might look in this circumstance:
When he arrives home, he is yelled at by both parents.His father spanks him.His father orders him to spend the rest of the night in his room without dinner.
Effects of Authoritative Parenting
In the past, child development experts influenced by Baumrind’s work generally identified the authoritative parenting style as the best approach to parenting. According to Baumrind, children of authoritative parents:
Are self-confident about their abilities to learn new thingsDevelop good social skillsHave good emotional control and regulationTend to have happier dispositions
Research suggests that authoritative parenting is associated with better:
CreativityLife satisfaction among teens and young adultsProblem-solving abilities Self-esteemEmotional regulationSelf-relianceRelationshipsSelf-confidence
While authoritative parenting is often viewed as the most effective approach, it is important to recognize that various factors play a role in developmental outcomes.
Why Authoritative Parenting Works
Authoritative parents act as role models and exhibit the same behaviors they expect from their children. Because of this, their kids are more likely to internalize these behaviors and exhibit them as well. Consistent rules and discipline also allow children to know what to expect. These parents tend to exhibit good emotional understanding and control. Their children also learn to manage their emotions and learn to understand others. Some parents are naturally more authoritative than authoritarian or permissive. However, this doesn’t mean that you cannot adopt a more authoritative style, even though it is not your natural default. Attempting to moderate your parenting style may mean that you will have to remain mindful of your actions while you work to develop the habits of an authoritative parenting style.
How to Be an Authoritative Parent
If you are interested in becoming a more authoritative parent, there are some things you can do that may help. It can be helpful to view this parenting style as a balance between discipline, emotional control, and allowing independence.
Set rules and communicate the guidelines, boundaries, and expectations for behavior.Establish consequences when rules are violated and follow through when expectations are not met.Be compassionate, warm, empathetic, and supportive of your child. Focus on building a strong, supportive relationship with your child rather than controlling everything that they do.Encourage your child to be independent and allow them to experience the natural consequences of their actions.
A Word From Verywell
Authoritative parenting is often regarded as the ideal parenting style. It is important to recognize, however, that your own style might be a mix of different styles and your style may differ from that of your partner or co-parent. Even if authoritative parenting doesn’t immediately come naturally to you, there are strategies you can u
