Toxic femininity refers to the adherence to the gender binary in order to receive conditional value in patriarchal societies. It is a concept that restricts women to being cooperative, passive, sexually submissive, gentle, and deriving their value from physical beauty while being pleasing to men. If toxic masculinity encourages violence and domination in order to uphold an unequal power dynamic, then toxic femininity supports silent acceptance of violence and domination in order to survive. While toxic masculinity states that men should act tough, show no emotions, and reject anything considered feminine, toxic femininity pressures women to be quiet, nurturing, submissive, and attractive. “Womanhood” in this instance is defined in a very shallow manner that objectifies and harms women.
What Is Toxic Femininity?
Toxic femininity includes any thoughts, actions, or behaviors by women that benefit or defer others, usually males, at the expense of a woman’s independence, agency, full range of emotions, and emotional and mental well-being. Both toxic masculinity and toxic femininity are performed by men and women to attempt to keep their value in society. Toxic masculinity and toxic femininity tell men and women that their worth, value, and validity as men and women is conditional upon their adherence to these roles. These social constructs reinforce women’s submissive behavior and enable men by claiming that violence is to be accepted. Like toxic masculinity, toxic femininity is made up of a myriad of culture-specific rules. However, through research and references in pop culture, the following core components have emerged:
What Toxic Femininity Is Not
Like toxic masculinity, toxic femininity is the product of a patriarchal society. These toxic notions of femininity further deny women agency or identity. That said, discussions of the term outside of academic spaces can verge on the antifeminist side. They are used as a reactionary argument against feminist discussions of toxic masculinity. This interpretation of the term is used to negate discourse on how power is gendered , seeking instead to place feminism as the cause of gender inequality. Because of this, scholars have suggested people consider what is toxic about some approaches to femininity versus using this term in an inaccurate or manipulative way. Most behaviors given as examples of toxic femininity are actually examples of misogyny or internalized misogyny.
Pressure to Abide by Contradictory Standards
Toxic femininity is comprised of person-specific rules and regulations that are constantly in flux. For example, some may believe wearing heels to work is essential. Others stay away from drinking beer because it is “masculine.” Women who adhere to toxic femininity may be rewarded in society and those who do not may be punished, which is a dynamic enforced by those with power in order to to maintain their power.
Grooming Habits
For example, a 2016 study of 14,600 individuals in the workplace found that less attractive but well-groomed women earned more on average than women who were more attractive but less groomed. This means that the women’s grooming habits accounted for almost all of the salary differences in this research pool. Whereas for the men in the study, their grooming habits accounted for roughly half.
Cosmetic Use
In contrast, a 2018 study into the cosmetic use of women in the workplace found that makeup used for a social night out negatively impacted the perception of a woman’s leadership ability. The researchers theorized that this might be due to makeup enhancing traits that are important for relationships and having families, which is incompatible with the notion of social dominance in leadership. Though they come to different conclusions, these studies highlight the paradox of female beauty, whereby women are shamed for seeking idealistic beauty standards while simultaneously judged for not prescribing to them. In essence, the rules don’t matter as much as the insecurity that they provoke. It is their rigidity and contradiction that make women so desperate to keep up. Within this desperation, women become easier to control and exploit.
Impact of Toxic Femininity
Toxic femininity, therefore, is dangerous as it posits the subjugation of women as natural and essential for social approval. For instance, toxic femininity in the workplace can create a hostile work environment that negatively impacts employees’ mental health. In addition, by blocking other women from climbing the employment ladder, toxic femininity also facilitates the lack of diversity in leadership positions. In essence, toxic femininity is detrimental to the fight for women’s equality as it seeks to maintain the rigid, toxic gendered power structures and systems in place today.
What You Can Do About Toxic Femininity
Rather than encouraging, supporting, and celebrating women to be fully expressed as they are, toxic femininity pressures women to feel apologetic, confused, and ashamed for their non-gender stereotype confirming thoughts, ideas, and beliefs. Furthermore, the fear of de-gendering oneself through neutral human acts locks women into a rigid re-definition of femininity that is beneficial to no one. Rather than being objectified or pigeonholed, women and non-binary folks are supported in being fully human and freely expressed in their femininity in ways that feel authentic, enlivening, and true for those celebrating it. These personal manifestations and expressions of femininity offer reprieve, rest, inspiration, and hope in the fight against misogyny. Here are some things you can do on a daily basis to help combat the effects of toxic femininity:
Take time to reflect on what you’ve learned and begin to unlearn: Check in with yourself and consider what misogynistic ideology you’ve been taught or internalized. Are you doing things for yourself or for the male gaze? Are you making decisions based on what you really want or are you seeking male approval? Be gentle and honest with yourself and consider what other ways of thinking, being, and interacting may be possible and more true to who you actually are and want to be.Speak up: Notice and call out toxic femininity within yourself and the circles in which you exist. Have curious and courageous conversations with others and explore whether what is being said or done is in the best interest of all, or if it is contributing to the upholding of patriarchal power dynamics.Be careful with how you use the term “toxic femininity”: Deploy the phrase ‘toxic femininity’ with careful consideration of the context. Remember, some uses of the phrase have been used to promote anti-feminist ideology to deter conversations around toxic masculinity. Perhaps the situation requires you to reflect on what may be toxic about some approaches to femininity instead. For example, calling gossip a product of toxic femininity alone is reductive. Gossiping is not an action done by women alone, and implying so may be considered anti-feminist. In reality, the true toxic trait is the policing of femininity; and gossip is one way that people attempt to do this.
A Word From Verywell
It can feel overwhelming at times to consider the ways toxic femininity affects you, your life, and your full expression of yourself. Like toxic masculinity, toxic femininity limits the ways that people feel comfortable expressing themselves. The important thing is becoming aware of how gendered labels and stereotypes inhibit us, so moving forward, we can be more conscious of acting with authenticity and giving others the space and the respect to be their authentic selves, too.
